Friday, October 2, 2009

Could we get some help down here PLEASE?

Today I am pondering about ways to meet God.

Before you trip over your keyboard looking to bolt out of this place, let me tell you quickly that this is not the beginning of a long philosophical discussion. In fact I have as much chance of saying something intelligent about philosophy as I have about Science. Shameful but true.

My husband once bought a book called ‘Self Unfoldment’ and urged me to use it to start my spiritual journey. I got lost within the first 100 yards of my journey and ended up tucking the book safe behind my dozen recipe books in the Kitchen. I showed it with pride to a friend the other day as the only book in my cabinet that has no finger smudges or rips or pencil marks.

I have a couple of questions that I want to ask God. How do I find Him first? If I stand on one leg and meditate, will he show himself to me? Considering the success that the sages from Indian mythology had with this method, it might be my best bet. In that case, I better make a quick stop at a local drugstore to pick up some Bengay first. You see, I get cramps in my legs if I stand too long on two legs. Imagine my problems if I stand on just one leg!

On the other hand, it might be smarter to simply text God. “OMG, SH.YS. HV FW QK QSTS 4 U” should do it. If you can’t read it as ‘Oh my God, show yourself as I have a few quick questions for you’, consider yourself a little behind current times, my friend.

Okay, okay…...before you go scratching the wall, here are my questions to the Almighty.

If the purpose of my existence on this Universe is to wash dirty dishes, do laundry, tie shoelaces and drive my kids around town:

1. What was the big idea giving me only one pair of hands?
2. Where is my superpower – the ability to beam in and out of places? (Now you see me, now you don’t)

At the risk of inviting a fierce black bolt of lightning to strike me, I will have to say this. Big flaw in your design, my Lord!

Your design specification list for a Mom should have started out with 3 pairs of hands to effectively multitask - the first pair on the shoulders {as in the existing design} to wash dishes, the second pair on the waist to fold and iron clothes and the third pair on the ankles to help tie shoe laces for kids. Considering the fact that we also cook, shop, network and volunteer to sell popcorn for the PTA, we could ideally use a couple more pairs of hands but hey, I will settle for 3 if you can manage it.

When we were watching Star Trek the other day and Jim and Spock pressed a button on their shoulders and said ‘Beam me out Scotty’, I almost jumped out of my skin with excitement. Here is the solution to one of my problems. Here is how I can avoid entailing my estate to the County. Here is how I can pick up both my kids at 5.00 pm sharp from their swimming and tennis lessons respectively from the opposite ends of town without accumulating a dozen speeding tickets in the process. In the next few days I risked alienating my children by pressing an imaginary button on my shoulder often and declaring ‘Beam me out God’. Guess you weren’t listening.

As a time-starved Mom who is forever on the verge of a breakdown trying to be at 2 places at the same time (thereby breaking all known traffic laws of the State), I probably speak for all moms when I say ‘I WANT THAT’.

If you are listening up there, could we get some help down here PLEASE? Hello…..?

-Meena Sankaran

16 comments:

Niveda said...

hii chithi... you need three xtra hands i need 3 extra brains :)( the math and science stuff just dont go in). Once again awesome piece.. keep trying u will get it :D

Ammu Madhu said...

:-)

நாகு (Nagu) said...

//My husband once bought a book called ‘Self Unfoldment’ //
This and a bit about interest in scientific stuff before. I am beginning to wonder if you are talking about the guy I know or you have 'another' one tucked away somewhere?

May I point out one flaw?
//How do I find Him//

Him? You too,Meena?? :)
That too, close to Navaratri.... Why not 'Her'? But you do have a point. It probably is 'Him'. otherwise moms would have all the superpowers.

And wonder if you will beam 'us' out first :-)


But you had me worried with that start for a few seconds.

Srilatha said...

Just find your inner Goddess, Meena. It is because of her that you are able to do super-human multi-tasking. She is the one that inspires your family into awe and fear with one glance from you :-)

Self-Unfoldment is a great book, but I think you should start with the first book in the series: Introduction to Hindu Culture.

jeyashrisuresh said...

meena after all i dont need extra hands like kali,all i need is to pray god is to grant me a boon of taking more avatars whenever i wish, that too in busy weekday mornings ,one kid shouting "couldnt find my hindi note,please come and search", and another one shouting "make me bath".oops ethanai kai and avaaram irundalum poradhu meena.

jeyashrisuresh said...

forgot to mention,absolutely an awesome post.

Meenakshi Sankaran said...

Thank you Nivi. As your aunt, I am obliged to tell you that Science and Math are essential to get ahead in the world and that you will have a bright future by acing those subjects. Otherwise, I would say that if you put me in your shoes, I would rather eat a plate of slimy worms anytime of the day, any day of the week. So just hang in there.

Don't let your mom read this. She will kill me. :-)

Meenakshi Sankaran said...

Glad you stopped by Ammu Madhu. :-)

Meenakshi Sankaran said...

"And wonder if you will beam 'us' out first :-)"

Hmmm...such a tempting idea Nagu.

If you are listening up there, God/Goddess, could you amend my original request to include this special ability to beam others out too? Guess what? I have a volunteer lined up to try that on.

Thanks Nagu. :-)

Meenakshi Sankaran said...

Srilatha,

Introduction to Hindu culture, huh?

I am going to let you in on a secret. After hearing a lot of folks talk about the merits of meditation, I decided to give it a shot too. 5 seconds in to the task, my mind jolted up as if from a coma and bounced off the walls like a high strung toddler - from the sink filled with dirty dishes, carpool arrangement for that evening, grocery list for the week to books that needed to be returned to the library and more.

I will probably wait another decade before trying the spiritual path. Do you think I will be ready by then?

Meenakshi Sankaran said...

Glad to know that we are sailing in the same boat Jeyashree. I am glad that you enjoyed the post.

Srilatha said...

Hi Meena, I think of meditation as a mind cleansing exercise - focus on one thought or object excluding all else. Don't you already do that while singing? I think of music as just another form of meditation :-) And therefore you're well ahead of a lot of us on the spiritual path.

lifearts said...

Dear Meena,
Thank you for sending the link.You are a gifted writer.I love the way you are expressing your thought.They are poweful.
By posting this you have stimulated my thought too.Waas that your idea?I think God never gives aswers to our question.He prepares us to live with them!!
I feel shorter posts will bring morereaders!One idea in one post!All the best!
I think I must follow you.you are welcome to follow me too...
www.lifeartstrainer.blogspot.com

Srilatha said...

OK, I have been re-reading your old blogs so that I can get my Meena's Blog fix. Post a new one already!

How about one on your recent comedy show? You know what I'm referring to - it's the one for which you solemnly promised to call and give me all the details :-)

கவிநயா said...

Me too Meena. Wish I could text or phone or even email to Him/Her :)

//I will probably wait another decade before trying the spiritual path. Do you think I will be ready by then?//

There is a long and serious answer to this, but I guess you meant this as a rhetorical question :)

Meenakshi Sankaran said...

@ lifearts - glad you enjoyed my writing though I don't remember sending you any link...:-)

@ srilatha - Ouch. Would you consider 'Oops' an appropriate apology for not calling you and filling you in on my so called 'stand up comedy' show as promised?

There you see..I always knew you were a kind and forgiving person. If I can drum up something interesting to say about my comedy show, I will be sure to write about it. Fair enough?

@Kavinaya - /There is a long and serious answer to this, but I guess you meant this as a rhetorical question :)/ He he, you guessed it right.