My daughter got married a few months ago allowing me the distinct honor of joining the elite club of mothers-in-law. Having watched many Indian TV soap operas that always cast a mother-in-law as a villainous being, I was naturally hesitant about stepping into that role but guess what? TV is a far cry from reality because I feel no more like a villain than usual. Six months ago, I had 2 children that I loved and now I have 3.
Hosting my daughter's wedding was truly an education. As this is the time for my annual self-evaluation to see if I still remember how to write, I came here today hoping to do that and also give a few helpful pointers to my friends who have just entered this fascinating arena of hosting an Indian wedding.
Dos and Don'ts of Wedding Planning:
1. Know that a spreadsheet is going to quickly become your new best friend. To those who ask why, how else are you planning to juggle the gazillion lists that will become the focal point of your life very soon? The following is only a small sample of the lists that you will be making soon:
- Guest lists for the different wedding events
- Catering options
- Return gift options
- Party rental supplies
- Make up artists
- Deejay artists
- Guest accommodation
- Pre-wedding catering
You don't really plan on winging it from memory, do you? I strongly recommend against that if your memory is anything like mine which is practically non-existent. I regularly walk away from cars without shutting down the engine, walk out the front door with a comb tucked in my hair and in my at-home slippers, return home from grocery trips without buying the groceries that I needed, frequently enter my classroom with a water bottle that holds no water and often record a 5 to 10 minute lesson for my students forgetting to hit the record button.
I am afraid that the day is not far when I would need a bracelet with my name and address on it but since I was lucky enough to remember that I couldn't trust my memory with the wedding tasks, I made best friends with Microsoft Excel and got to work. By the time my daughter's wedding day came, I had a dozen workbooks forging ahead at full speed with a master list to keep track of every one of them. This is the way.
2. Hold off on buying your wedding clothes until closer to the wedding. This is super important. I wish someone had told me about this earlier. I got carried away and bought my reception gown eight months ahead of time, long before finalizing the caterer. Bad idea, especially if your dress was designed for a toothpick, by a dressmaker who thought it was a cardinal sin to let out a seam. And don't forget that the pre-wedding week of rich and luscious Indian food mainly contain white rice, sugar and butter leading to extraordinary bloating conditions making buttoning your saree blouses an impressive task.
You don't expect the mother of the bride to just randomly pick a caterer without tasting their food, do you? I remember my wise mom once telling me that food was the thing that people would remember the most about a wedding and that we should take care with that. I took her advice to heart, solemnly visiting multiple restaurants every weekend for 2 months tasting everything the caterers whipped up, sometimes at the expense of a seam ripping in my salwar suit. I was only too happy to make this small sacrifice. It was, after all, my burden to carry. Two weeks before the wedding, when I was frantically running behind a seamstress begging her to somehow squeeze me into my dress, I admit to fleetingly questioning my mom's wisdom.
3. Remember that functionality beats glamour when it comes to picking wedding shoes. As the host of the wedding, you would need to put some miles on your shoes on your child's wedding day so choose wisely. I didn't hence was left with bruising marks where the buckle of my fancy new shoes cut into my skin. Yes, it was pretty but sadly no one saw its beauty because I discarded it within minutes of wearing and hobbled out in my comfy sandals instead.
4. I strongly recommend that you make no new friends until after the wedding. Putting all your existing friends on the guest list is hard enough. A wedding invitation guest list is a tricky business in the US. It is a balancing act worthy of an Olympic gymnast. I never knew before about the rule that the bride and the groom should personally know all the guests who would come to the wedding. I remember my Dad introducing many of his work friends to us at my wedding and I remember nodding at them with a smile without ever questioning why I had never met any of them before. That was just the way.
5. Help is all around you and you just need to ask for it. If you are lucky like us, you will have a whole town willingly coming forward to help you with the wedding work. I didn't realize how lucky we were until we were met by a tsunami-like huge wave of help from both a large and loving family and a town full of good friends. I was especially moved by offers of help from those who didn't make it to our guest list. It didn't seem to matter to them. They just wanted to help. Such extraordinary acts of kindness should be met with an appropriate expression of gratitude but I was too dumbfounded by their kindness to express my appreciation well. My pitiful attempts to say thank you fell flat and tiny even to my ears. I won't ever take our good fortune in relationships for granted and hope to pay it forward somehow, in this lifetime.
6. Remember to have fun and be okay if things don't exactly go as you had planned. It is after all, your child's wedding. Keep your smile so they can look at you and keep theirs.
PS: Overcoming my mental block to writing gets harder each year. I am super grateful that I managed to string some words together to make a blog post today, meeting my annual quota of posts. Wish you all a very happy holiday season and a wonderful New Year 2026!
